Chronic Anxiety Disorder: The Price You Pay for Hiding Your True Self

anxiety support, self-esteem, video

Many anxious people who hide their true selves develop chronic anxiety disorder. Learn how to take back your power from anxiety by being who you really are.The more I learn about anxiety, the more I realize just how widespread a problem it really is. There are millions upon millions of people all over the globe struggling with some sort of chronic anxiety disorder, often more than one type. Seeing how much people are suffering makes me really sad sometimes. It also pushes me to understand and overcome the limitations my own anxieties are still placing on my life.

One thing I’m becoming more aware of — and more pissed off about — is how often my own chronic anxiety is caused by hiding who I really am. Hiding how I really feel. Hiding my true self behind an emotional mask of what I think other people want me to be.

“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.”

Jim Morrison

Characteristics of People with Chronic Anxiety Disorder

Anxious people tend to be intelligent, sensitive people. The world is a pretty brutal place that doesn’t have a lot of sympathy or patience for sensitivity. As a result, sensitive people often develop emotional coping skills called “avoidance masking.” Wearing an emotional mask is a way to protect the hurt parts of us that feel abused, rejected or misunderstood by the world around us.

I’d hazard a guess there’s not one person with chronic anxiety disorder who hasn’t hidden their true self behind an emotional and/or behavioral mask at one time or another. It’s a very effective coping strategy for protecting the sensitive parts of ourselves from a callous world. The only problem with pretending to be something we’re not is that, in the end, it makes our anxiety worse.

There’s nothing wrong with hiding what we really think or feel in certain situations. That’s part of being a sane, rational adult. But when we make a habit of hiding our true reactions too often, over time we lose touch with our real thoughts, ideas, and feelings. We can end up not knowing who we are anymore. We’ve lost touch with our true selves, which is VERY anxiety-producing, not to mention exhausting.

Some common emotional masks anxious people tend to wear include:

  • The People Pleaser Mask. This is where you bend over backwards to make sure everyone else is happy. People pleasers (like me) are terrified of being emotionally attacked and do whatever it takes to make sure everyone likes them out of fear. Then we feel angry at ourselves for being afraid. We can do this so often, we don’t know what our own thoughts and feelings are anymore.
  • The Angry Mask. Anger feels more powerful than hurt, fear or sadness and can be used to avoid these painful feelings. Anger also keeps people away and protects from feeling vulnerable. Most people would never guess that those who use anger to cover up their sensitivity are often deeply hurt on the inside.  Emotionally sensitive people who use the mask of anger tend to be lonely and have major problems with self-esteem.
  • The Happy Mask. Another way to protect yourself is to behave as if you’re always happy. No one ever knows when your feelings are hurt because it seems like nothing ever gets you down. You joke and smile even when people behave cruelly or are insensitive towards you. Fake happiness covers up your REAL feelings.

Overcome chronic anxiety disorder and stop hiding your true self

If you’re tired of living with chronic anxiety, one way to overcome it is to start dropping your emotional masks and show the world who you really are. Here are some steps you can take to do this:

  • Make the decision. You first have to decide you want to drop your “avoidance mask.” You must be committed to taking this action even though it’s painful. Letting go of your mask is not easy. It will help you succeed to realize this going in. Taking one small step at a time will probably work best. For example, you could decide to speak up about which restaurant you’d prefer for dinner as one initial step.
  • Focus on self-awareness.  Spend some time asking yourself what you really think and feel.  It’s likely that you’ve lost touch with your feelings and preferences, so ask yourself and experiment and they will come back to you. Accept whatever comes up and trust that it will pass. Consider writing down what you liked and didn’t like each day as a way of getting back in touch with yourself.
  • Be visible.  Start expressing your opinions and thoughts gently and with kindness. Notice if you have the posture of someone who is trying to hide. If so, stand up straight and let yourself be visible.
  • Face what you’ve been avoiding.  Accepting your internal experience instead of avoiding it will allow you to check to see if your feelings have any base in external reality and to choose healthier, more effective ways of coping. Facing the external fears will help you overcome those as well. Being rejected or criticized by others is not pleasant, but you will find out you can survive it. Take small steps, and make sure you have support.

Living with chronic anxiety disorder because you’re constantly hiding your true self is no way to live. It takes time (and courage), but you can learn to break the lonely, isolating bonds of chronic anxiety disorder. I’m going to keep working on it, and I hope you will too.

Greg Weber

11 comments… add one
  • Nathan dill Dec 19, 2017

    Hello. I desperately need to talk to him but I can’t get a wordpress account and it’s about how I feel a higher power or my true self is telling me I’m not meant to like or believe most things from nature to spirituality or science or deep thinking or just liking basic things for what they are or learning or believing basic facts because when I try I get this overwhelming feeling that I’m not being my true self self and that who or whatever is causing these feelings will never stop until I be who I’m being told to be. I’ve had same sex feelings before but don’t want to be gay but also don’t know if that’s true or not and I feel this voice or my inner self or god saying you have to become that and love life not thinking deeply or liking most things deeply or passionate and I’m so scared that I look forward to sleeping because I don’t get bothered with these thoughts. I’m also consumed by white guilt and being jealous that poc are meant for most deep and cool things in my mind at least and I can’t shake this. It’s convincing me and I’m so scared I can’t like what I want cause then I get thoughts that say but you actually don’t want to cause a lot of things I was into because of others influences.

  • Carissa Lato Nov 7, 2017

    Awesome wisdom that resonates in my gut! Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience with us, truly Excellent! This is exactly the place where Vulnerability meets Courage…the decision not to hide anymore!

  • Hugh Jul 9, 2017

    This is great, thank you for writing this. I think a lot of people do this on different levels. My ‘mask’ has been firmly attached to my face for a while now. Time to let go of it I think

  • jacquai Jun 3, 2017

    Hi everyone… I have a son with chronic anxiety whom I am beyond proud of. I just would like some feedback on what I can do to help and encourage without making it too difficult. He is doing amazing things now and I tell him how proud I am but I worry that this in itself can set him back if he feels pressure or fears failure. We don’t talk about it but acknowledge his diagnosis .. (that’s how he likes it)

  • Danny Dec 8, 2016

    It’s hard to be yourself when people are literally attacking you wherever you go.

  • Luis rayas May 6, 2016

    Thank you! This article saved my life!

  • Rita Feb 5, 2016

    It is currently 2:01am. I’m 26 years old and I’m doing my usual stay up at night in bed on my phone reading/looking at things until my mind is tired enough to shut off on its own routine. Came across a few articles and sites including this one. Was thinking for a minute whether or not I should even comment but just told myself why not. I just wanted to say thank you for this page it really taught me many things about myself. I’ve been doing a ton of research lately looking up quotes, pictures, anything to feel a connection and spark to something. I knew I developed these feelings at an early age and now here I am. It was like I was searching to find myself after so long of “putting a mask on” and numbing myself to try and be a normal human being. I was used to that so now actually facing the whole truth and finding answers to what I’m dealing with helps. Not only that but most places where I read tells me what anxiety/depression means witch I can relate but doesn’t always give advice and tips to cope with it. I’ve learned a lot from this page about myself and gained tools that I can use and give me hope for the future… Now It’s 2:37am! Not used to writing my thoughts down felt like I just wrote an essay wow!

  • James Nov 2, 2015

    I feel an avoidance mask is diversion, asking people questions and getting others to talk about their lives and feelings diverts the emphasis on yourself

    • Greg Weber Nov 3, 2015

      Well said,James. That’s exactly what I think too.

  • anxious gal Oct 24, 2015

    Really thanks for sharing with us your experience and what should can be done to overcome the avoidance masks!! I always prefer a happy mask and sometimes feeling lonely because of that …

    • Greg Weber Nov 3, 2015

      You’re very welcome. This is an important issue that doesn’t get talked about enough, in my opinion.

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